Welcome to America Meditating. I’m your host, Sister Jenna, and yes, I have a little flu as the gift for the season, but the show must go on, as they say. I hope everyone else is doing well and your heart and your mind is in a good place. This morning around breakfast, me and the crew, we were talking a lot about how the ego tends to lock our fortune away and how we struggle with being open to learn our lessons. It’s so important to keep asking oneself the question when they are presented with some sort of an adversity or challenge in a relationship. The question is, what would love do here? Somehow, when you tweak it and turn it around into that questioning in either not getting a promotion or getting to a particular meeting on time or a spouse not really living up to their potential or a colleague at work just dropping the ball at the time when you needed them to hold it the most. There are a lot of things that we want to say in those moments, but before that little tongue gets to that teeth and then starts to unfold a whole bunch of stuff that’s going on inside, ask the question to the self, what would love do here? In doing so, there might be a turnaround in the empathy and the compassion for the person that you’re about to address and your deep, deep principle that you’re here to give love and to give happiness and you’re not here to take sorrow from anyone or give sorrow. I hope you enjoyed listening to the America Meditating radio show on a daily basis. You can get us 24-7 on Stritcher’s Preacher, Aha or even iTunes or if you’d like it better yet, just get on to the download the Pause for Peace app and that’ll give you an opportunity to listen to us as often as you’d like. Stay tuned, we’re going to have William Urie on who’s the co-founder of Harford’s program on negotiation and William’s got a lot of good going on. But before we go to William, why don’t we turn to our beloved little sister Gita and hear what reading she has for us today. Good day. I like that expression, little Gita. I am indeed a tiny point of light that sits in the center of my forehead and I also wear a tiny body so I’m balanced. I’m extracting from the book Companion of God which is done by our Daddy Janki, the wisdom keeper of the world it is said and this is Honesty with Myself. The first kind of honesty is honesty with myself. If I am honest with myself, there need to be no situation in which I am not honest with others. If someone does not believe me, if someone distrusts my honesty perhaps it is a sign that I need to become more honest instead of blaming them, I should realize this and look at how to become more honest. Honesty and clarity go together. Honesty does not mean simply speaking your mind out. Honesty means to be very clear about everything going on inside of you. Where there is honesty, feelings become pure and clean. Honesty is where there are no other thoughts or feelings inside other than those that God himself would have. Such clarity is reflected in your words. They will be filled with the power of truth and spoken with ease and without hesitation. The genuine honesty cultivated within you is what will reach out and touch others. That will reach out and touch others. The quest for us all to be more honest. Thank you. Have a pensive day. Om Shanti. Welcome back to America Meditating Radio Show. That was Lucinda Drayton from her Bliss CD called Open My Eyes. As usual, Sister Gita has a way of just touching us. And for many of you who’ve been following her life, you know she’s a cancer survivor, trauma victim and someone who was orphaned at seven and she continues to keep rising up above everything. And I feel that she’s gotten on with her life and she’s negotiated in the best possible way with her destiny by basically saying, I’m going to rise regardless of what has turned out for me. And right now we would like to really warmly welcome William Ury. He’s the co-founder of Harvard’s Program on Negotiation. He’s one of the world’s best-known and most influential experts on negotiation as well. He’s the co-author of Getting to Yes, the best-selling negotiation book in the world and has taught negotiation to tens of thousands of people around the world. He has served as a mediator in conflicts ranging from boardroom battles to labor strikes and from family feuds to civil wars. William has also served as a consultant to the Crisis Management Center at the White House, co-founded the Climate Parliament, which Time Magazine described as a Google for global politics, founded the Abraham Poth Initiative, which seeks to build bridges between cultures and faiths and his work has been widely featured in the media from the New York Times to CNN and so on. He also has a very popular TED Talk program or show, The Walk from No to Yes, and his newest book is entitled Getting to Yes with Yourself and Other Worthy Opponents and the irony to William’s book is that just recently I read a book on the power of no. I’m really into what you have to say and William, welcome to the America Meditating Radio Show. How are you? It’s a great pleasure to be able to speak with you, Sister Jenna. Thank you. I’m so touched by the work that you’re doing. I’m not aware if you know of John Viscount but he did a wonderful short film called Admissions, which is a story about a Palestinian suicide bomber meeting this Jewish family that he killed and they all went up to heaven or to God, you know, and they’re wondering when their God’s going to come out but basically at the end of this film they actually realize that there’s something within themselves that they have to fix in order to just move on and get on with life and I think when I heard about your work that you’re doing I felt that. I felt like what you’re doing is getting people on with their lives and getting to yes with yourself is not always an easy thing to do so congratulations on the release of the new book. Could you share with our listeners a little bit about what inspired William to do the book and how does it differ from your previous book Getting to Yes? Yes. I’ve been working, my passion really for the last 35 years has been helping people in all walks of life, organizations, communities and whole countries get to yes. In other words, get to agreements that work for all sides. And it’s not always easy. Conflict these days seems to be a growth industry and everywhere you look people seem to be getting to no as much as they’re trying to get to yes so what I’ve discovered I’ve made a kind of specialty in dealing with you know, people say well I say what’s the problem they say well it’s always the other side it’s the difficult person so I’ve specialized in how do you deal with difficult people or difficult situations but over the years what I’ve come to realize is that actually perhaps the most challenging person we ever have to deal with in the course of our lives the biggest obstacle to getting what we truly truly want in life and in negotiation is not the person on the other side of the table it’s the person on the other side it’s the person we look at in the mirror every morning it’s us and that can also be our biggest opportunity if we can turn ourselves from being our own biggest opponent from getting in our own way into our own biggest ally then I think then we have a chance not only to get what we most want but also to help others around us Oh William that is so true and tell me and tell our listeners what’s getting in the way of us actually being able to turn what I might call the accountability back to the self to get into our mode of yes or sharing or giving or making that difference to get what we actually want in the way what have you seen has been the common reason why folks are just not able to flow in that dimension well human beings just very naturally and very understandably when we’re under stress when we’re in conflict we tend to react in other words to act without thinking to act in ways that go contrary to our own real interests as the old saying goes when angry you will make the best speech you will ever regret and that happens more often than not and you know we get in our own way and so what I’ve discovered is that maybe the basic foundation of being able to get to yes with others is the ability to go to I like to use the metaphor of going to the balcony it’s almost like dealing with the other person your family member your co-worker whoever a community member you’re dealing with them it’s almost like you’re negotiating with them on a stage and part of you goes to a mental or emotional balcony it’s a place of clarity a place of calm it’s a place of mastery where a place of perspective where you can keep your eyes on the prize what is truly truly important and to me that ability is key I love that I know that you’ve been trained as a social anthropologist was it something personal that got you onto that path or what was it that inspired you to get more into negotiations and conflict mediation yeah it was it was partly looking around me and my family you know the conflicts that would go on at the dinner table it was partly also growing up in different cultures and wondering why can’t we get along it was a cold war and I could never understand why you know what was so fundamental in our conflict the United States with the Soviet Union that would cause us to risk putting at risk all life on earth through a nuclear cataclysm and so I was looking I thought I better understand human beings and that’s why I went into social anthropology which is the study of humans and our destiny and led me into the mediation of what are some practical creative ways what are better ways of dealing with our differences which are there than the destructive means of going to war for example or killing each other I’m going to ask you a big question what are human beings I mean what are we up to what’s going on I had a very interesting case this morning and we had to relocate the meditation museum because of the lease and we generally pay a year in advance because I just don’t want to I’ve got bigger things to do you know and I was on a mission traveling and for some reason it was late for you know I don’t know two months or whatever but I thought it was taken care of and here I am completely a great record with this company right and now for the first time they send me a note we’re going to start to penalize you 5% for every conversation and so so I sent this letter in with very empathetic intention William I said this is exactly what our humanity does not need it needs more love and understanding and I really wrote it with that empathy and the president wrote back and said it’s okay we will not put a penalty on that so sometimes I wonder how do we resolve rather than the mess that we see in the Middle East or in our own backyards I mean are emotions the reason why we’re not getting along or is it something more what’s human beings about well good question first of all it’s wonderful of you having really come from that place of empathy in other words gone to the balcony of empathy and that actually touched a chord obviously in the president the landlord and so I mean it’s a beautiful example if you got to yes with yourself and therefore it was much easier to get to yes with the other side and to me that’s really what it’s all about emotion in itself is not bad emotion is really I mean there’s a lot of anger and fear to rule us or do we rule those emotions and because the emotions are there signs to us like you know when you get angry or irritated it’s because maybe you look inside and say well maybe there was an injustice that was done and so we need to listen to them but not necessarily to act out of them we have a lot of emotions and we even have a lot of negative thoughts even but our ability to step back to that place of clarity and perspective which is our true identity allows us to observe them just to observe their play like you would be on a balcony observing the natural drama but without being drawn into it yeah and without noticing what’s going on and I think that this sort of pulling back at times trying to capture a sort of a clearer picture and again this motto that I live by don’t give sorrow and don’t take sorrow has saved me from having to clean up a lot of mess along the way and I’m curious to hear more about it and what was the reason for the network to be established well yes this is back in the 1980s and it was around the world and seeing that in fact the great majority of conflicts and we learned from dealing with those internal conflicts president carter because of his track record because of his success at camp david for instance and bringing together arabs and israelis was getting a lot of invitations to help but he needed help he needed a network and so we were trying to figure out how to bring an end to the terrible civil wars that are going around the world today including for example the war that was going on in south africa is to be able to put yourself in your own shoes now that seems funny because in negotiation and getting yes when people ask me what’s the most important skill that you need as a negotiator if i had to pick one i would say if you don’t understand them you’re going to be better able to talk with them and to reach an agreement with them but what i found is that it’s actually quite important that if we want to be able to listen to the other side is to listen to ourselves if we want to put ourselves in the other person’s shoes we need to learn to put ourselves in our own shoes which means to that’s very solid very powerful and some more yeah in negotiation one of the questions is where’s the power where do we derive our power to meet our needs and we often in negotiation what i find in situations whether it’s in the family or in the workplace or in the larger world what i find the common pattern is and you alluded to it before is the blame game you know the union blames the husband the union blames the management management blames the union you know Arabs blame Israel Israel blames the Arabs you know it’s wherever you go people are pointing fingers at each other and to me actually when you change that game take look for where our responsibility is not about self-blame but our responsibility our ability to respond constructively to the situation we take back our power and to ask we can ask ourselves the question of who can truly meet our deepest needs is it our own power to meet our own deepest needs from within from inside then we’re not so dependent on the other side and then oddly enough the negotiations go much better whether it’s with our spouse or partner or children or co-worker because we don’t need them so much and then we can actually I actually call those steps spiritual steps these are the things that when you start to walk a path of spirituality at least the path of spirituality that I decode as a spiritual path is one that really turns your attention back to you to raise yourself a little bit higher to respond to what’s coming in to take a view as to where you’re going and what you’re up to and I appreciate that very much because the world needs that now and I know that you’ve said that negotiations tend to break down not because of substance but because of the feeling and perhaps the lack of human respect is there a way that you can elaborate a little bit two things if I don’t give it it breaks it if I give it it mends it have you found that these two things are very important in mending relationships and also making negotiations work or it doesn’t play a major role? Tough question I find it does sister Jenna I remember some years ago President Carter as part of the work to meet with the then President Hugo Chavez as well as with the political opposition and this was a time when there were a million people on the streets of the capital city Caracas demanding the immediate resignation of President Chavez and there were a million people on the streets supporting him and the country was you know here was this major dispute about power and politics and economics control over economic resources but what was the real danger was I mean he said to me you know what they call me the opposition what they call me on national television they call me a mono which is like it was he was just infuriated because he thought it was a racist illusion to his indigenous origins and and it’s that kind of disrespect that often triggers violence and when I met with actually the leaders of the opposition I found the same kind of anger they said you know the leader what I what my custom was to wake up in the morning and go and pray in the central cathedral there in the main plaza and now I can’t because there are posters with my face on the wall saying enemy of the people and the president and now I can’t do that and he was furious and so to me actually the the cheapest concession we can make to the other side is to give the other person basic human respect because their dignity means nothing to them and so what I worked with both sides was to was to was to diminish those gestures was to eliminate those signs of disrespect and just start to respect them to listen to them to treat them you know with positive attention and that I think can make all the difference well I’m going to ask you a personal question what have you learned you know here you are looking at different sides of the table and there’s some issue within themselves how does that move you shape you change you make you think the way that you do what has it been doing for you being in those different sides of the table you know it makes me feel sad but it also makes me think there has to be a better way I know there’s a better way because what so often I see is each side because at the other at the other’s expense and what so often happens is what the results of that is both sides get into an adversarial confrontation and both sides end up losing and the people who end up losing the force are the common figure out bring our creativity bring our empathy bring our hearts bring our love to the situation bring our minds and our hearts and figure out better ways and there are better ways I know they exist and so it’s just together that’s so true I get that feeling a lot too you know when we hear so many stories from people just arguing and bickering you get to the point that your empathy but also it touches your sorrow too you know like what is needed for us to just be able to get along because it just seems like a smile could make such a world of difference but you’ve got two people in front of each other and the hardest thing is to smile at the other person it’s just this is a great lesson I think we’re learning in this era and the fate of our children the fate of the planet really depends on our ability to learn these are time old lessons about how to treat other human beings and I believe we can do it I honestly believe that we can do it I’ve seen in my lifetime you know I started working in this conflict there was the cold war and that came to an end people said you know Catholics and Protestants in Ireland are going to kill each other they’ve been killing each other for centuries that came to an end people said blacks and whites in South Africa you know it’s going to be an endless bloodbath that came to an end and so through that kind of leadership through that kind of creative transformation of conflicts we can talk to the others as well I love that I love that now before we let you go could you tell us a little bit about the amazing Abraham Path Initiative which you founded and how it’s helping to break down barriers and foster more you know communication in the most divided regions of the world yes basically the Abraham Path is a long distance path that no matter what divides us what unites us is far greater because the story of Abraham reminds us that we’re all one family basically everyone kind of traces has a part in that story and the path through walking together in a common place is not about the hostility in those regions but in fact from the simplest people you find hospitality evoked in the name of Abraham who was kind of known for loving kindness known for keeping his tent open for tourism in other words a place that everyone would visit and where we can be welcomed as strangers and the Abraham Path is a walking path that my colleagues and I teams in four or five different countries are working to develop and there are now if you look at the history of the Abraham Path and we’re hoping that step by step through walking together through the power of walking through the power of story through the power of remembering our common humanity we can take a step like yours rather to not only go out there and remind us that it’s just a little bit of respect and love that’s needed here and that we can all get what we want and as much as it sounds easy I’m always perplexed by that one little subtle moment where wisdom meets silence and beyond so thank you for being on the America Meditating Radio show please be safe in your trip to the Middle East in the next 10 days we love the work that you’re doing we’d love to have you back when you come back and share us with the good news that you might have my name is www.williamury that’s u-r-y dot com and that website has plenty of information about how to get to yes how to get past no and in terms of a favorite quote one of my favorite quotes comes from Rolf Waldo Emerson and it goes nothing can bring you peace if we can find that inner peace inside of ourselves you talk so eloquently about then I think it becomes a lot easier for us to bring outer peace to the world I want to wish all of your listeners much success in getting to yes with yourself and others wow William thank you so very much all the very best and we will definitely not be as simple as just human love and respect and what makes that so hard for us to just bring up the best of who we are as a person to say yes to our divinity to say yes to our truth to say yes to our power as people and actually come into the adverse situation knowing that the fact that more beneficial was for your peace of mind and contentment. Really, at the end of the day, it’s about your peace of mind and contentment and the fact that you didn’t throw your rubbish out to anyone. There’s more than enough to go around for everyone, really. And if we look deep enough within ourselves, it gets to the point of which we’re being ushered to bring our own self-respect, self-worth, and value to the forefront of our own consciousness. We hope you’ve enjoyed today’s conversation with the wonderful William Ury, co-founder of Harvard’s Program on Negotiations. And please go to his website, williamury.com or visit abrahampath.org for more information and also to get William’s book, The Walk from No to Yes. And I think his newest book is entitled Getting to Yes with Yourself and Other Worthy Opponents. Thank you for joining us on the America Meditating Radio Show. I’m gonna end the show with a very special song for William. It’s called If I Had One Wish, which is basically asking folks to walk in my shoe and I’ll walk in yours. It’s so beautiful, William. And I hope that it touches you as much as it touches me because it’s my song that I play for the upliftment of humanity. Remember folks, no one can take away your happiness unless you give them permission. And we are here to learn to love each other the same. Take care. Here’s one wish, bye, bless